GOOD NEWS!! although i am still in the dumps about school stuff, i am so blessed to have such a wonderful boyfriend!!! He just recently went through somethign and had to move in with his aunt and her fiance. well he happens to work with cars and saved my life!!!!!!!!! The estimate on my car to get it fixed was $414.25. he fixed it for $94!! how amazing!! i am so happy that i dont know what to do with myself! this man saved me $300!!
i just want to say that even when things are terrible and it seems like you have no where to go or you dont know what to do, something good will always come of it and you will always learn from the struggles! and even thought this incident doesnt necessarily have to do with this thought, it is something that has always been very important to me.

on a completely different note, a thought crossed my mind the other day and i am really considering it. i already am decently fluent in spanish and i can communicate in spanish speaking countries but i have always wanted o go to africa!  i know that sounds funny but it is true. i was reading a few days ago and other than tribal languages there arent many except for french spoken over there. i realy want to commit myself to learning atleast the basics of the language so that when i do go, i can atleast try to communicate with the people there. i had a fantastic chat with my boyfriend ( who is a native of venezuela and can speak spanish and english as well) and he said he wnted to do ti with me!!! i am so blessed i just dont even know where to begin!! !

i also want to learn how to play guitar.... haha random, but months of guitar hero leave me with an empty feeling that can only be filled with true music that i make myself!

i made a few big mistakes and i'm afraid to dish them to anyone i know. i feel comfortable here knowing that i am free to  vent without feeling judged. my mistakes are not huge, but they have been life changing. i've been terrible with money management and i am in a huge hole. i need to get out but i dont have anyone to ask for help. i lost my scholarship for college , which is a story in itself, $5000!!! i owe atleast $500 on my credit card. i have to pay $150 deposit for my trip to honduras this summer and my car just broke down. i'm drowning in financial struggles and i'm trying to let God have control but i'm really struggling with this. i have a job babysitting which pays well but that only goes so far. it is difficult to get a job for summer because i go to school out of state and not many places are hiring only for summer.
as much as this sounds like a sob story, it isnt. i am taking full responsibility for this. i should have kept up with my academics better ( the next paragraph will explain the loss of scholarship!) and i should have spent significantly less money. i know the car thing and Hondruas things arent my fault but they are thing that i need to accept if i want the benefits.
As far as my scholarship goes, i have an academic ssholarship for $10000 a year, or $5000 a semester. the only problem is that you have to maintain a 3.0 GPA. this past semester was rough for me because i really wanted to be social. not that i didn't spend time studying but it is my first year at school so i am still taking gen eds (which suck by the way) and i have a really hard time taking something that i could care less about seriously. well anyways, i got 2 c's which gave me a lower GPA. here's MY problem. i can accept that i lost my scholarship if i really believed that it was done in a good manner. My problem is that as far as my grades are concerned i should have a 3.0 becasue last semester i also had 2 As which should counter act the Cs. well my big dumb school which likes to suck money out of you calculates GPA some weird way which i cant even explain so i have a 2.93!!
anyways this is just a venting session for me because i dont know what to do with myself right now. if anyone reads this feel free to suggest something! i dont expect anyone to anyways, its pretty boring im not gonna lie. but i needed to somehow get this off my chest. i've been praying but i hope that God reads this too! HELP!!!!!!!!